31 May 2010

Caramel Corn

Dear Blog,

I wish every weekend was Memorial Day weekend. That would, however, mean that I would weigh 10 trillion pounds. Here's a list of what we ate over the course of the last 4 days:

Dinner: tapas at the Iberian Pig in Decatur...meh

Breakfast: Ria's black bean benedict with avocado and a gratuitous side of sour cream (and a bite of Jame-o's brisket breakfast) + 2 cups of coffee

Lunch: vodka and grapefruit juice. Or a margarita. I don't really remember...
Dinner (w. Jame-o's parents - so fun): the Angry Mussels from JCT Bar + glass of pinot grigio/ San Genaro pizza from Antico Pizza + 1/2 a bottle of wine.
Dessert (Is it bad that by 'Dessert' I mean 'That time of day when I binge drink like I'm still in college'?): we met up with Philip at The Bookhouse and played Jeopardy and I proceeded to drink like 11 beers and a shot that tasted like cake. barf.

Brunch: bacon and tomato eggs, cafe lattes
Lunch (at like 3:30): La Fonda fish tacos, guacamole, gigantor glass of water
Dinner: homemade chili dogs, not-homemade potato salad and (for reasons I still haven't figured out) made-from-scratch caramel corn with spicy peanuts. In some circles, I think it's referred to as crack. Seriously. So. Good.

Breakfast: pancakes and sausage and a big side of why-don't-my-pants-fit-anymore?, coffee
Lunch: watermelon spears, Trader Joe's spicy california roll (split), kalamata olive hummus and pita chips, heaping handfuls of caramel corn when no one was looking
Snack: Dark & Stormy's
Dinner: chili dogs - round two (for Memorial Day), again with the caramel corn (although this time I had to stuff it into my face alone, as Jame-o was in a food coma, eyes glazed over watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Wow. I'm going into a serious shame spiral having re-lived it all. Clearly, the only answer is to put on my muumuu, turn off the lights and have some more caramel corn. Maybe if I pureed it, I could inject it directly into my veins...

Here's Jame-o and me at the beach.
I don't know why I'm upside-down. (source)

27 May 2010

Dear Blog,

Is anyone else having as big a problem as I am with the new Kotex U feminine hygiene product commercials? Since when does menstruation make me a hipster bad-ass? I mean, sure, sometimes it makes me act like kind of a bitch, but I didn't think tampons were the type of thing that really needed an EXTREEEEEME makeover.
Today I caught the end of one of the commercials in which they noted that these particular pantiliners come in "big girl colors". Really? Is the color of the packaging really a selling point? Because, the last time I checked, when my purse spilled open during a hot date and a fistful of Tampax went tumbling across the floor of the movie theater, I wasn't embarrassed because their wrappers were lackluster. I wasn't thinking "DAMNIT! If only those things were hot pink, thus attracting even more attention to themselves, this moment would be totes less awkward." Also: who is qualifying neon pink and green as 'big girl' colors? Do they mean colors that I thought were cool when I was 7 and my parents were telling me to act like a big girl and not hit my sister in the head with my NKOTB doll?

side-note: Jame-o just looked over and, upon seeing my field research regarding this post (aka, the interactive Kotex U website) asked, shocked, "what are you DOING?" He then asked that I not write side-notes about him. oopsie...

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah: I'm not feeling these commercials. I want my FHP marketing to make me feel good about swimming and biking and wearing white pants with confidence - all things I don't do even when I'm not on my period. It's just a comfort to know I could if I needed to. Like, if there was a gun to my head.

I was just warned that, by writing about tampons, I would ultimately alienate my male audience. I then reminded the person warning me that he, in fact, comprised my male audience in its entirety and, as my boyfriend, would be forced to follow my blog regardless of content. I'm such a tyrant - maybe it's PMS. I think I'll run out and buy some neon pads and listen to MGMT while reading the Urban Outfitters catalog.

I'm so scene. Thanks, Kotex U!


26 May 2010

you know what i need?

Dear Blog,

See title above.

Answer: more random photography books about the influence of Vogue on the space program or vacation homes for the disgustingly wealthy or Klimt-inspired henna tattoos that are creating a stir with adolescent gals in rural West Virginia, who simultaneously smoke Marlboro Reds and dream of a better life. I would probably flip lackadaisically through them once and then relegate them to a shelf or table where they would gather dust until I had company over. Then I would revel in said company's impressed sighs at my extensive collection and obvious taste.
It would be awesome.

I mean, look at this guy:
Amazing. And you know he's only read maybe 11 of those books. For all we know, they're just sweet looking jackets on coloring books and yellow pages from the 80's. But, man, do I want to live this guy's life.
Deep breaths.

23 May 2010

I cahn't stop eatin'!!

Dear Blog,

Good day today. Pretty decent weekend, actually. Saw MacGruber. Don't ask me why I'm admitting that. We had a lovely pizza lunch at Jame-0's old stomping grounds (Antico Pizza is so delicious, I would sell my kids for it. I guess it's a good thing I don't have any kids...) and then had dinner at FarmBurger **homer simpson noises** I feel like all I did this weekend was eat. Which is great, considering we're going to the beach sometime in June. Whatever, people love whales, amiright?

Now, back to the laundry. Work tomorrow. Ugh.


18 May 2010


Dear Blog,

Today felt like this:

so...that sucked.

It was just one of those days where everything is hard - even figuring out how to make your picture blue using iPhoto.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.


17 May 2010

monday, monday

You know, this whole blogging thing is a lot more intimidating than I had originally anticipated. I mean, what are you even supposed to write about? The weather was nice today. Booo-ring...

Maybe if i tried a more familiar format:

Dear Blog,

Today was pretty good, I guess. I woke up, went to work, came home, had pizza with Jame-o, almost killed a couple a' jerks in the parking lot of Trader Joe's, then came back to the apartment and agonized over what to write in this post.
Thrilling. Just like everyday.


Hmmm. Maybe it gets easier the more you do it. Like riding a bike. Or is that what you never forget? Or am I thinking about elephants. Who am I kidding: I'm always thinking about elephants...

11 May 2010

is this thing on?

Just checking...